HOW BIG WAS IT?

HOW BIG WAS IT?
A TRUE STORY, BY: Joarline


As we drove through the slash-pine forests of the deep south, we were beginning to enjoy the interesting scenery we  encountered on this family road trip.  We were totally amazed at how tall the trees were.  Equally dazzling to us was the size and shape of the pine cones from these trees.  We were in awe when we discovered how large an area was covered by tree farms.  We also read, and wondered about, those curious signs, planted all along the roadside, announcing “Rattlesnake Roundup/Barbecue”, sporting dates and times for each event.  Being from the north, the significance of these signs totally escaped us.   Little did we know that those pine cones were not the only gargantuan things to be found in Grandma’s Northern Florida back yard.

We arrived in Crestview Florida, at Grandma’s house after a grueling 22 hour non-stop leg on one of our many trips to visit the relatives.  The children,10, 12 and 14 years old, were enthralled with the balmy weather and decided to pitch their tent in the safety of the back yard, and asked to sleep “out” that night.  This was considered a safe neighborhood by all, so we agreed.

While it was still daylight we decided to do some yard work to get the kinks out of our limbs, after our long drive.  The perimeter of the yard sported a 4 foot garden fence.  There was a boxwood hedge and rows of slash-pine trees, planted all along the fence line.  The slash-pine needles covered the roof and clogged the gutters, the oversized cones were strewn all over the yard by recent winds.  The cones were anywhere from 12 to 18 inches tall, and were shaped like little pine trees.  We collected bags of them for the next years Christmas decorations.  We raked the yard clean, set up the tent, ate dinner and retired for an uneventful and much needed sleep.  Tomorrow, we would collect the rest of the debris.

Even though the whole family was up-with-the-sun, the neighbors were
already outdoors, doing yard work in the cool of the morning. 
Ah, April in Florida! 

Next door to Grandma, there lived a petite, widowed, southern belle, who was also raking her yard, toy poodle in tow. She had been very friendly and conversant over the fence line as we both worked outdoors the evening before.  The boys were busy with mechanical things and my daughter and I were chatting with Grandma in the back yard, while we worked.  Grandma was setting up the barbecue for lunch, and had invited her new, young, bachelor pastor over for the event.  She soon went inside to continue her preparations.  Ben, 10 years old, was in and out of the shed and house, finding parts to fix his bike.  Chris, 14 years old, had gone inside to clean up after fixing something on the car.

As Ben came out of the house, the lady next door, who seemed to be resting her tiny frame on her rake, called out to him as he passed her: “Been…..?,  Been…..?, could you help mai?”.  Her voice and demeanor were calm and her genteel southern drawl sounded very normal.  Gentleman Ben politely said: “Sure!” and proceeded to climb over the fence.  As I looked up, I saw him jump back over the fence and leap 20 feet across the patio, landing on the door step yelling as he went: “Ma!  Ma!  Chris!  Chris!  Come now!”  My daughter and I followed to see what was going on. 

The petite lady next door, still leaning nonchalantly on her rake, seemed frozen in time, her toy poodle was circling her, barking frantically.  As we drew near, we saw the head of her rake was resting squarely in the middle of the back of a huge Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake.  I had never seen a snake that big, even in the zoo.  The head was very busy trying to snap at the little dog, who was bouncing around, staying just out of reach.  The tail was rattling and he seemed bewildered at not being able to move under the pressure of the rake.  Not being able to coil and strike, not able to acquire that tasty toy poodle for dinner………the neighbor was still very calmly, leaning on the rake.

Big brother Chris came running when he sensed the desperation in his brothers voice.  He quickly hurdled the fence and stopped short in his  tracks, when he viewed the beast!!!!!  He was totally unsure what to do next. 

By then, we had arrived too.  We all stood in stunned silence.  The neighbor spoke first.  “Get the shovels from the shed.”,  she counseled in a whisper.  I obeyed in silence - a long handled flat head and a long handled spade.  Chris first asked for the flat head, as seriously as a doctor asking for a scalpel.  Then he carefully placed the flat edge directly behind the head of the dragon sized reptile and pressed it to the ground.  “SPADE”, he whispered next, without taking his eyes off of the hungry snake.  With that implement alone, he slowly, painfully (for both him and the snake), managed to behead the critter. 

 We were so relieved, we all exhaled at once !!!!!!!  The oversized, fanged, venomous head, filled the entire spade shovel, as we carried it to the burning barrel. The snake was tough, Chris was tougher.  When measured out straight, without the head and rattle, it was 11 feet long.

Just then the preacher (a native southerner) arrived, and was immediately drawn in to the goings on.  He explained that he had attended “RATTLESNAKE ROUNDUPS” all through his childhood, and would be honored to help us with this one.  He said he learned early how big they grow, how dangerous they are and how to cook a great RATTLESNAKE STEAK on the barbecue. 

We glanced at each other as a light of recognition went off in all our heads.  It seems, these RATTLESNAKE ROUNDUPS, we had seen advertised all along the road, are frequent community events, conducted all over the south.  When the  trees are harvested, it is necessary to round up all the homeless rattlesnakes, for the safety of the nearby communities.

He helped us skin and clean the snake.  It took 4 strong people with pliers and muscles to skin him.  The stomach was empty, and the heart continued to beat for about 30 hours.  He then washed and rolled the meat and tried to give it to Grandma to barbecue.  She got so upset, she put the french-fries on to broil while still inside the plastic wrapper, not a thing Grandma had ever done, ruining the french-fries AND the broiler.  No one remembers her ever ruining any part of a meal before this event.

We put the rattle in a peanut butter jar, salted it down good, stretched and cleaned the skin, to be tanned when we got home.  This was our prized trophy - without which no one would believe our story. 

As the sun began to set, the children decided to take the tent down and sleep indoors that night.


POST SCRIPT

~TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION~

We had decided to stop overnight on the trip home.  We unloaded the car at a North Carolina camp site, and placed the skin on the roof of the suburban to be out of harms way while we worked.  Now, I am 5 feet tall on a good day, and the suburban is about 5’10” high, so I could not see what was on the roof.  I got in the car to go for groceries and forgot it had been put there.  As we rounded the first corner onto the highway, it blew off.  Before I could get out of traffic and pull over, some wise guy in a mini sports car pulled over and scooped it up and drove away.  I must confess - I lost our trophy!  So you will just have to take my word for it.



The Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnakes, which live in swampy areas along the Gulf Coast, often grow to extreme proportions.  It is an area with mild weather and consequently supports a fairly steady food supply for wildlife.